I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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