I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
