Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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