last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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