i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
40s are totally the cure
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
