is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
