We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
