I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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