Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
