Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
