she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
