Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
