My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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