is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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