that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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