do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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