i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize