Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
