i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
