If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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