There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is it penis luge time yet?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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