i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You're a waste of cheezeits
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
