i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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