It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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