When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
