sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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