i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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