He kissed a someone with a penis
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You took a bar mat shot.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
