i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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