I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Im part way to drunk.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
