..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
