this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
