I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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