I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
