k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
