So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
