That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
