Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
