Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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