Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
