"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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