like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
