a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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