Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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