dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
