I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
