im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Can Purell be used as lube?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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