did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Boobs speak an international language.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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