I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
