i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
