And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
