I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?