i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.