he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just puked most of my soul out..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
