It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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