I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad