We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
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I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.