My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.