Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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