dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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