yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize