That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
