If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
