I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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