i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
