i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The best revenge is premature balding
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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