he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
