if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We are all done wearing pants today
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
