Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
