Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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